Tuesday, March 8, 2011

No Ifs, Ands or Butts

Brief up-date:  Dennis is doing remarkable well, all things considered.  He is enduring infusions of toxic spirits, venomous agents designed to annihilate unholy cancer cells while causing one to question the order of the universe.  He also pops daily oral xeloda pills the size of Charlie Sheen’s delusions…both equally hard to swallow!  And finally, he tolerates my constant presence inquiring how where he is on a scale of 1-10.  Geez, the man should be canonized!  Hercules himself would have failed that task.

We have a paper with a series of 24 faces whose expressions gauge how he’s feeling at the moment.  I’m always trying to get him to point to the face with the most accurate reflection.  Recently, he pointed to a face that looked shy and self-conscious.  Underneath, it was labeled “Love-struck.”  WINNING!

We continue our battle.  Whatever it takes!  There are no “if’s” in our household.  However, there is a shocking lack of butts.  Butt flab was the first casualty.  So far, my efforts to remedy that situation with saturation bombing of the “no butt zone” with concentrated calories have been wildly successful…for one of us.  Pity.  But our confidence and optimism are robust.

With Dennis’ port, he now has greater chest dimensions than I do.  It doesn’t take much these days.  I try not to covet – bulk is bulk.  We’re all coping as best we can.

Erin and Brodi provide comic relief with everything from self-deprecating monologues to unfiltered harsh language.  Great strategy.  These are brazen acts of defiance.  It all serves to keep us focused on our goals.  They continually inspire me with the same stubbornness and determination of their father.

I’ve heard it said how much more attention people pay to their fears than to their joys.  We pledge not to be convicted of this crime.

No if’s, ands or butts.  We are going to do this.


Jen and Justin said...

Much love to all of you!!!

Jamie said...

Ashtons you are amazing. You are rocks! We are thinking of you. Love the Whetmans

Brodi Ashton said...

Thank you!

Chris said...

I love you guys. Your wit and humor in such a stressful time is a sign of the love and stamina that you all have for each other and for all of us that care dearly for Dennis and your family, and their is not BUTT about that! Sending positive energy your way. Chris

Jane Forsgren said...

If it helps the butt solution, I'd gladly give most of mine!! Seriously, it would be an absolute joy to trade butts with Dennis ... although he might look a bit lopsided!

Honestly, this is a wonderful place to go for a lift. Thank you for your contagious humor and positivity. I love you both -- all -- so very much!

John, Mica, Jackson and Grace said...

Dr. Ashton,
We got your blogspot from the doctors office when we found out we weren't able to visit with our favorite pediatrician anymore! I just wanted to say THANK YOU from us (and probably all the other mom's who you blessed along with us) for blessing our lives with your talents and service (my kids and husband got to be your patients)! You were the best doctor - with your patience, attention to detail, care for our kids, empathy and compassion. We will miss seeing you in the office, but hope you are treated by just as amazing doctors as you were in your process of recovery! God bless you in this journey and know you are in our prayers!
John, Mica, Jackson and Grace Hauley