FEEDING TUBES ARE FUN: HERE, WE'LL PROVE IT!

FROM THE 'HIGH' MIND OF DENNIS:

Having finally given in to the necessity of a feeding tube, I’ve decided to make the best of it and look at the positive side of the experience. After all not everyone gets the opportunity to experience first hand the wonderfulness of a tube inserted through your favorite nostril and pushed further down the GI tract in order the supplement oral feedings. So the clot all joined in to get their own versions of the feeding tube, and then comprised a list of “The Benefits of having a feeding tube”.

1. Feeding tubes can be stylish – especially in ‘restyling’ the contours of the nostril.
2. By having a feeding tube, one is able to avoid drinking formula from a manly Ute Football Fan cup.
3. Finding creative ways to sneeze, while trying to clear the nostrils using unique technologically near impossible methodology. For every new way of plugging the nostril, there is an equally ingenious method available to unplug the tube – Murphy’s new law of thermodynamics.
4. You are always aware of where your left nostril is – a significant benefit in determining right and left orientation while going through this whole process.
5. Once tape is placed over the tube to secure it to the cheek there is no shaving opportunity until the tape is replaced – another good reason to grow a beard during therapy.
6. New games at night: Try to time your breathing cycle to match the whirr of the pump so that sleep might actually occur during the night. When this is all over, we’re getting a ‘white noise’ sound machine to imitate the whirr of the pump.
7. Keeps your skeletal body form from reaching its full ‘thin’ potential.
8. Gives something for the grandkids to reach for when they come for a visit, and see the smiles on their faces as they delight in finally grabbing hold.
9. If you come down with nasal congestion, you can try reversing the direction of the feeding pump, from ‘suck’ to ‘blow’. (Also provides a great comeback: ‘Ah, blow it out your nose’.)
10. Supplies never-ending jokes of “Hey, Dad. You’ve got something on your face. No, a little higher. A little higher. Perfect. Now, PULL!”
11. Gas-siphoning becomes a little easier, though slightly more painful.
12. Four words: Chicken Fried Steak Shake
13. Gives "Stick it where the Sun don't Shine" new meaning. (Plus, I can say, "Been there, done that")
14. No matter how much you grow to love the tube, you can always look forward to the day when it is no longer needed!

Not to be negative, but there are a few Cons:

1. Having to teach the grandkids that it’s still not okay to stick fingers up noses
2. Having to teach Brodi and Erin the same thing